Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
not a creature was stirring, except for my spouse.
Her stockings were flung over my favorite chair,
And some dude named Nicholas was in his underwear.

I came home late that night,
And caught that bearded bastard with my wife.
I went buck wild and all I saw was red,
So, I danced like a reindeer on old St. Nick’s head.

My ole lady hit me and jumped on my back,
So, I peeled her off and gave her a smack.
Our neighbor arose, hearing all the clatter,
She called the cops to see what was the matter.

The cops were at my pad in a wink and a flash,
They kicked in the door and gave my head a smash.
They beat me, tased me and slapped me in cuffs,
Then pushed me into a patrol car with a mighty stuff.

The cop said, “you’ve been drinking, that much is clear,”
To which I replied, “just 9 tiny little light beers.”
I told the cops get me to jail quick,
But it was too late, yeah, I got sick.

As I sat there for hours waiting to be booked,
I sobered up and realized how grim things did look.
One by one they took those waiting back,
Now Flasher, Now Fencer,
Now Panderer and Vixen,
Then Robber and Rapist,
Burglar and Bagman
And finally, it was me.
I was charged with disturbing the peace and spousal battery.

I was given one call, but that was much later,
The Flasher recommended that I call Howard Snader.
He’s the attorney he calls after a bust,
He said, “Howard’s the only criminal attorney I trust.”

So, to those who are arrested and jailed,
Call Snader Law Group before you make bail.